Have you heard of Strength-Based Parenting?

I'm so excited to share this with you!  I heard an interview with Lea Waters, PhD  who wrote The Strength Switch: How The New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish.  You can listen to the interview here and check out her book on amazon here.

This interview with Waters, really struck me and I knew I needed to read her book.  Not only was I touched by her personal story of her childhood and her sister but I was intrigued, what would it be like if I could focus more on what my girls are doing right, what they are interested in, what comes more naturally to them instead of focusing on all the things that they need to improve, do better at and work on.  Was that even possible and how would that affect their self esteem, their confidence and our relationship?

So I purchased her book and dove right in.  I love her philosophy on Strength-Based Parenting. She breaks it down in a way that is approachable and relatable along with all the supporting case studies, data and practical ways to practice it.  

There is something about this newer field of Positive Psychology that enables me to breathe easier, it feels softer and more enjoyable… it makes life feel more promising and light...  It’s in alignment with my soul.

The Strength Switch is filled with relatable examples of how focusing and honoring your child’s strengths will have an overall positive effect on them and your relationship with them.  You’ll also find plenty of helpful practices guiding you to be more strength-based when navigating everyday life with growing children.

As Waters spells out, this isn’t about becoming a perfect parent (which isn’t approachable or realistic).  The practices in this book are to enable you to become more mindful of how you are parenting and will put you back in the driver's seat of parenting in a way that feels right to you and for the benefit of your children.

This is definitely a practice and I’m practicing it all the time.  

When I find myself caught in focusing on the weaknesses and getting upset, it’s usually because of some fictitious story I am telling myself about their future.  Such as, if I can’t get her to clean up her room now she’ll be one of those people who’s living with 60 cats and a mess everywhere.

This is a great example of what Gabby Bernstein calls ‘Future Tripping’.  Meaning, I’m not focusing on what’s happening right now, instead I’m letting my fears of the future take over and I’m responding to the present moment as if those future fears are true.  

As I’m sure you’re already realizing, this isn’t doing anyone any favors… and so it’s a practice. Back to the present. How can I support them, see them right now and honor who they are in this minute?  When I can truly see them in the present I see two beautifully loving, smart, caring, thoughtful and courageous girls.  Each with their own unique strengths.

I’m trying to find that subtle line between honoring, celebrating and encouraging their strengths yet still supporting them in using their strengths to navigate their weaknesses in a way that’ll carry them through life.

Leave a comment below! I'd love to hear about your favorite parenting styles and/or books.  And where do you find yourself getting stuck in adapting new ways of parenting?

 Love and gratitude,

Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT (or often referred to as tapping) is an evidence based technique used to release physical pain, negative emotions, limiting beliefs, food cravings, fears, phobias, childhood traumas, anxiety, stress, and the list goes on!  

This gentle technique involves self-applied tapping on meridian end points (like acupressure) in combination with a specific type of modern talk therapy.  By doing this simple yet powerful technique it allows you to heal your body naturally, bust through limiting beliefs about yourself, and no longer be defined by your past experiences.  You can start to live your life with the freedom to be your true authentic self!   

Here are 5 big reasons you should be using EFT Tapping...

1-REDUCES STRESS.  In just one 60 minute session of EFT Tapping your cortisol (which is the hormone your body produces when it's stressed) will be reduced by 24-50%.  This is extremely important considering that 60-90% of doctors visits are stress related. (Research by Perkins, 1994 cited in the Harvard Business Review)

2-RELEASES NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.   Harboring negative emotions keeps us stuck in the past.  Some of these negative emotions are sadness, anger, frustration, resentment, hurt, shame... what negative emotion do you want to get rid of?

3-RELIEVES PHYSICAL PAIN. Often the physical pain we are experiencing is keeping us from being able to enjoy our lives and   more often than not it's due to our emotional state.  Use EFT Tapping to release your negative emotions and you're body will thank you.

4-HEAL PAST TRAUMA.  When we're carrying around past trauma our life can be filled with anxiety, pain, fear and depression. EFT has been shown to be extremely effective in healing trauma by turning off the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls the fight or flight response. When tapping through past trauma, including those resulting in PTSD, you'll signal to the body that its okay to relax now, the trauma is over.  

5-ENJOY EMOTIONAL FREEDOM.  When you tap, you can finally find the emotional freedom you’ve been looking for… so you can live your life with freedom to show up and respond as your authentic self.

Ready to try it out?   

Below is a link for a  free video where I'll teach you how to use EFT Tapping to REDUCE your stress!  

Click here to watch a quick video taking you through the EFT Tapping points along with deep breathing which will allow your body to begin to relax and shed stress right now!  What are you waiting for?  

Love and gratitude,

Want to learn how to tap right now?

It only takes a few minutes!

One of the things I love about EFT is that you can do it on your own!  You don’t always need a practitioner guiding you through your journey to freedom.  

This post is focusing on the feeling of stress.  So go ahead a take a deep breath and evaluate how stressed you are right now and if you are feeling it anywhere in your body.  Then scale the intensity 0-10.  0 being not stressed at all and 10 the most stressed you have ever been.  Got your number? 

Check out the picture above, it shows you all the tapping points.  Begin repeatedly tapping on the side of the hand and saying “Even though I am feeling so stressed, I still love and accept myself.  Even though my body is filled with so much stress, and all this stress is making me feel overwhelmed.  I still love and accept myself.  Even though I am so stressed out, I still love and accept myself.” 

Then move your tapping to the eyebrow point and with each phrase continue through the tapping points.  *Tap each point repeatedly while saying each phrase.

 “I am so stressed” (eyebrow)

"My body is filled with stress" (side of eye)

“All this stress” (under eye)

“So much stress” (under nose)

“I’m overwhelmed from all this stress” (chin)

“So much stress” (collar bone)

“This stress is overwhelming” (under arm)

“All this stress” (top of head)

“So much stress” (eyebrow)

“This overwhelming stress” (side of eye)

“I am feeling so stressed” (under eye)

“My body is filled with stress” (under nose)

“I am so stressed” (chin)

“Maybe I can release this stress and overwhelm” (collar bone)

“Maybe it’s time to let this stress and overwhelm go” (under arm)

“Maybe I can let this stress go” (top of head)

Take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Time for a survey.  How you are feeling?  How stressed are you feeling now?  Has your number gone down?  Has your number gone up?

Did your number go up?  If so, don’t worry that means that tapping about your stress is really needed and keep repeating the above tapping round.  Feel free to replace some of the words describing how you are feeling to match exactly what you are feeling right now.  Keep tapping until you experience a great shift and lowering in stress. 

Did your number stay the same?  That means you need to keep tapping.  During your second time around really focus on how you are feeling and what is going on in your body.  Replace my description of stress to be your words.  Check in, what's your number now?

Did your number go down?  Great!  Is it low enough?  If not, keep tapping! 

 

Now that you know how to tap on your own you can start to use this amazingly powerful yet simple tool on your own! 

 

Common questions:

Why are we focusing on the negative?  I'd rather focus on how I want to feel.

When you tap it’s super important to focus on the negative feeling you are having, because then you will truly release it!  If you only focus on how you want to feel it won't have a true and lasting effect.  It’s like putting a band aid on a dirty cut without cleaning it first… chances are it will get infected and you will have a bigger problem. 

What if I do it wrong?

Good news my friends, you can’t mess this up!  You might have more impact or less impact, but you can’t do it wrong.  Even just tapping through the points without words will provide a calming effect.

What is the difference of tapping on my own versus working with a certified practitioner?

When tapping on your own it is very realistic that you will find relief and feel calmer after tapping.  However to really clear issues that are holding you back you should work with a certified practitioner.  Not sure what is really holding you back but you feel limited?  A certified practitioner can help guide you to your answers and help you clear it.  Curious if working with a certified practitioner is the right fit for you?  Let's chat and find out!

I would love to hear about your results from this tapping exercise! 

Let me know if you have any questions or concerns!

Much love to you!